My grandfather is talking to me through my teeth.
When I was an awkward teen, my grandfather shelled out several thousand dollars to straighten my teeth. Every weekend when I saw him, he'd make me show him my teeth, and he'd mark their improvement. ("OOooooh look! This one used to be completely sideways! Now it's straight!!") He was SO PROUD of my teeth. My teeth were the subject of days' worth of conversation between us. He wanted to know all about my daily maintenance, he'd notice discolorations, he even made me keep a toothbrush at his apartment.
Now, in my awkward mid-twenties, my wisdom teeth are pushing all my other teeth around like ugly calcium bullies, claiming their space on the peripheries of my mouth, and my grandfather is no longer around to defend me.
Two weeks ago, when my dentist told me to wack all my wisdom teeth ASAP, I didn't fully believe it was necessary. One week later a nasty little pain appeared in my lower left. My grandfather is talking to me through my teeth.
Now, in my awkward mid-twenties, my wisdom teeth are pushing all my other teeth around like ugly calcium bullies, claiming their space on the peripheries of my mouth, and my grandfather is no longer around to defend me.
Two weeks ago, when my dentist told me to wack all my wisdom teeth ASAP, I didn't fully believe it was necessary. One week later a nasty little pain appeared in my lower left. My grandfather is talking to me through my teeth.
posted by Myasorubka at 9:36 AM
5 Comments:
"Calcium Bullies" is an appropriate term for these markers of human evolution. Wisdom teeth are no longer needed by homo sapiens. Those who have progressed up the evolutionary scale have no wisdom teeth. Those who are throw backs to our ancestors who dragged their limbs along the ground have four. Based on the number of wisdom teeth you have you are some where along this scale.
Personally if I was a grandfather, I would not check my grandchild's teeth. I would check the knuckles on their hands to see if they had been dragging them on the ground.
So how many of these 'calcium bullies' do you have? If it is four, you maybe the bully!
Why you gotta hurt a toothless blogger when she's down??
It may have been four....they may have all had three roots instead of two....
I find this "evolutionary" explanation of wisdom teeth to be obtuse, apocryphal, and downright boorish; and as a well-bred gentleman and scholar who himself once possessed four wisdom teeth, I take considerable offense.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm feeling a bit peckish so I GO HUNT WILD BOAR OOOOOGA!
I wish I had seen your blog post sooner b/c Nick did not convey my message to you about the importance of frozen peas post-tooth removal. They mold to the necessary shape of the tender area and can be endlessly re-frozen, although not eaten!! I hope you are having as comfortable a recovery as possible!! Make sure that everyone is extra nice to you!!
So, like...does this mean I have bad genes? I had all 4 removed eons ago! Calcium bullies? And all this time I thought it meant that i was just plain old smaht!
---s
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