Re: Dove Promises
(from email with The Sparkler)
One thing I don't like about those Promises. Shouldn't a Dove Promise
be a promise made by Dove? Instead, the little maxims written inside
the foil wrappers are just horrible commands. From Dove! Mine read,
"Find your passion." Well, fuck you, Dove! I'll find my passion when
I want to find my passion! IF I want to find my passion, that is.
I don't like Dove telling me what to do with my time. I think it
would be more accurate and potentially funnier if Dove actually made
promises to its consumers. Like, "We believe in the future of your
weight gain." That makes sense, right? Cuz you're eating those
little chocolates and they're going straight to your thighs. Or, "By
discarding this foil wrapper, you will contribute something
wonderfully shiny to your local landfill. The Sanitarion Workers of
America thank you." That would be fine!
One thing I don't like about those Promises. Shouldn't a Dove Promise
be a promise made by Dove? Instead, the little maxims written inside
the foil wrappers are just horrible commands. From Dove! Mine read,
"Find your passion." Well, fuck you, Dove! I'll find my passion when
I want to find my passion! IF I want to find my passion, that is.
I don't like Dove telling me what to do with my time. I think it
would be more accurate and potentially funnier if Dove actually made
promises to its consumers. Like, "We believe in the future of your
weight gain." That makes sense, right? Cuz you're eating those
little chocolates and they're going straight to your thighs. Or, "By
discarding this foil wrapper, you will contribute something
wonderfully shiny to your local landfill. The Sanitarion Workers of
America thank you." That would be fine!
posted by Myasorubka at 8:11 AM
7 Comments:
I think there should be a series of messages on subsequent chocolates.
"Good job! Eating chocolate has been shown to reduce the risks of heart disease."
"But one or two pieces a day is probably enough."
"Fine, three to be on the safe side. Good night!"
"Oh god, you're still going?"
"Do you realize by now you've completely negated what I said on the first piece?"
"Put away the fucking bag already!"
"Paging Dr. Self-control..."
"Okay, seriously, I'm just going to go ahead and call an ambulance for you."
Well,
I think Tyra and Janice can help you find your passion more so than the Dove bars. Or at least Kahlen and a grape.
Then again, if you were to melt a little dove square onto a collarbone and then lick the chocolately goodness off said collarbone...you never know.
Why pick on a small piece of candy like the Dove chocolate? Go pick on the "Three Musketeer Bar". How long ago was this bar big enough to share with two friends? Has anyone ever shared it with two friends?
WHAT! You grilled without ME TOO!!!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. You're FIRED.
I got "send a love letter this week" twice in the last 24hours. Not only do they give commands they have deadlines as well. Too many chocolates for me.
Rat bastards! What's with the demands, Dove??
POST SOMETHING ELSE ALREADY!! (Angrily shouting)
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